Post by janedoe on Apr 13, 2014 6:52:24 GMT -5
Jessica Riker
Ensign-Medical
SB23
(Jane)
Jessica arrived in the usual way, with a small case, wide eyes, and great plans for her first assignment. She also showed up at the starbase with a cute little chip on her shoulder. The last place she wanted to be dumped was with her mother. No offense to her mother, she loves her. But she is freaking Deanna Troi, darling of the universe. No thanks. She'd rather have something she can call her own. She's told she will have a ship after she jumps over a few hurdles, meaning working under a very experienced doctor before she hits space running.
She heads down the promenade, glad for the chance to take a few days to herself. 3 days leave before she has duty. It seems like a luxury after the last few weeks in the academy.
...............
Jack Vincennes
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
(A PeM Production)
Jack was wandering the promenade when she got there. Not that he'd been to the base before; he had brought himself there upon her arrival. He'd had his eye on her for a while, it didn't do to come into these sort of things cold. But this was the first time he'd allow her to know of his presence.
It was a cliche, but it was a cliche because it was effective. He knew she'd be taking in the starbase, and thus not paying the closest attention to her surroundings. So he arranged to bump into her.
He did almost too good a job, causing himself to fall down to the floor in the process. The trick, though, the trick to it all? Physical contact did two things for an empath -- one, it brought you to their attention. Two, it heightened their ability to sense what you were feeling. But as far as Jessica could tell, Jack was an utter blank -- physically he was there, but to the sixth sense that only she possessed of all the people on the promenade, it was as though he wasn't there at all.
.............
How did she not even see him coming? She simply doesn't have klutz moments. She'd see them coming and dodge a ball, miss something falling with a side-step. She is jousled hard and there is a man at her feet on the floor. She tilts her head and just stares at him, not thinking to hold her hand out to him, mostly because he's a good deal bigger and stronger than her. But she does, extending her hand and asking the usual.
"Are you okay? Anything hurt?" She doesn't have a sense of urgency about him, so she already has the answer to that question. But there is a nagging lil flag that she does not sense anything at all.
"Crowded today. Must be a lot of kids just come in from the academy," she says with a little raise of one eyebrow.
................
He takes her hand, and again, she can feel him physically, but all the other sensations that would normally bring about in her are simply not there.
"Thank you, I'm fine. Nothing wounded except my pride, is all. Name's Jack Vincennes. Yeah, I hear there's a lot of people fresh off the boat today. You don't look like you're all that salty yourself."
................
She pulls her hand away, unnerved by the lack of sensation of.....well anything except the feel of his hand. She reaches for her case and the other hand to her hair, pushing it behind one ear.
"Jessica," she says in reply to his self-introduction. "Does it show that much?" She laughs slightly, taking steps forward once more in the direction she thinks is where her quarters are.
..............
"Some things are hard to hide. But all things can be seen."
And then, not spoken but merely heard inside her mind, 'If you have the sight to see them, or the ears to hear them.'
Resuming normal speech again, he added, "Can I buy you a drink? To make up for my clumsiness."
.............
She looks forward as she walks, avoiding any further physical confrontations. Something about the second thing he said made her turn her head. She watches his lips move and then looks around her, as if to see if someone else is there speaking to her. She might be seeing that doc sooner than her first duty shift. Something feels really off. But he only bumped the side of her body and her shoulder, not her head.
She hears his last, and smiles.
~ seriously, you are older than my father~
But aloud, she says, "I never drink. I mean alcohol, I never have."
She gestures to the next corridor.
"That's where my quarters are. I have to put my case in there."
.........
Again, spoken only in her mind: 'Really, I'm much older than that. Appearances can be deceiving.'
Outwardly, he simply shrugged. "Alright, a fellow can tell when he's being told off. But if it's the case you're worried about, you'll find it's been taken care of."
And sure enough, there was no case in her hands anymore.
................
Jessica hears him and one hand goes to her hip. Her head darts in the direction of her case and the other hand rests on the other slim hip.
"Put off? I don't drink. Someone with your ability to read my mind already knows I'm telling the truth."
~ why are you messing with me, is this a test, did Mother send you?~
...............
'I've never met your mother. She doesn't know of me. I'm a seeker of individuals who have potential they haven't fully exploited.'
And suddenly the starbase melted away, and they were standing on the unbearable nothingness of space itself. They could still breathe, and though while she was able to stand on... something, she couldn't see it, and felt nothing at all beneath her feet.
"I do tend to be a bit theatrical at times, please forgive me. Everyone at the starbase will simply see you walking to your quarters, no idea at all that something is happening. I am messing with you because it's fun, and because I think I can help you."
..............
She gasps, reaching out as if she could grab ahold of something, but nothing is there. She reaches for him, the only apparent solid within her reach.
"Help me? Don't you know I'm on the cusp of my life, on the way to great success. Everyone says so. I even have more telepathic ability than mother."
Her mind goes to the psych test during Academy entrance exams, when they were faced with their worst fear. Falling. She'd had to jump from a great height and she'd managed it but right now seeing nothing under her feet is sending her in a mental spiral.
................
He clasped her as she reached for him, letting her steady herself with him.
"But you didn't have enough power to read me, for instance. I doubt you're even at the level of a full Betazoid, are you? And there's much more than what even they are capable of. Does that hold your interest at all?"
He gazed around the blank, empty starscape around them. "Would you like to be on something a little more... grounded, perhaps?"
...........
"I am. I mean I do. I can read everyone," she says defensively, panicking and clinging to him. "You are different. You are something I have not read before. Are you Q?" She gets excited. "I heard so much about Q, you're like him aren't you? All that power and ability to f*** with people."
She almost looks impressed.
"Yes, something under my feet."
........
"Something like that." It was close enough. For now.
The stars drifted away, and they were on solid ground. A grassy medow, as far as the eyes could see -- no hills, no trees, no clouds, just green grass under a blue sky.
"If my age bothers you, I can change it, of course. I can change pretty much anything. I can be younger." He was suddenly a young man, probably no more than 18, slowly walking in a circuit around her. "Or older." In a moment, he was suddenly the image of Captain Picard, who he knew he had to have seen at some point. "I could be a woman." He changed to the form of her mother. "Or something else altogether." And he became a Horta.
And then he was Jack again.
.......
"Your age doesn't bother me that much. It's just that I can't...well feel you."
She sounds over her head and childish, and she isn't used to that. Acing the exams, sliding through her courses easily. The only real challenge was medical and she worked hard, and she is proud of it.
He starts to change, from one to another, shifting as soon as she gets her bearings, to something else altogether. She takes a step backward in the grass, or what resembles grass where she stands. She is excited and terrified. She should be sh*tting herself but a part of her is too curious and excited to tell him to stop. Not that she would have the power to make him do anything.
................
"Do you really think you want to? Would you like me to open up and let you inside here for a little bit, so that you can explore?"
.........
~ I'm afraid and I don't want him to know it~
"Yes. I want to see what's in there. You feel dead to me, like a holodeck character, with no feeling."
........
He smiled, and said nothing. He knew she was afraid, and she knew the second he smiled that he knew.
"Alright. Now I'm only going to open myself up a little bit... more for your sake than mine. You let me know if it's too much. I'm here to serve, I'll stop when you ask."
But not one second sooner.
He put his hand in hers and closed his eyes. Suddenly she could feel an entire rainbow of emotion, all at once, with new hues just between all the feelings she'd ever felt before, and entirely new sensations just at the edge of what she had known before.
.........
She tightens her hand on his and nods, trying to look brave. She forgets that he can read her fully, forgetting herself and hiding her fear like she would with others.
I'm ready."
Her heart beats madly and she waits to experience him when he opens up to her. The moment he does, she is washed over like seawater over a dinghy. The first moments being much like the first day at the academy, or when her mother brought her aboard a ship and she felt the rush of nearly a thousand psyche's all at once.
Right now, she is physically pushed backward and she clings to his hand, the full spectrum of feelings all at once, and her reaction to them unable to be covered up. He can see all of it. Sadness beyond hope, happiness above every happy moment since she was a child, arousal, anger, fear, terrifying, crippling fear and she clings so hard her nails dig into his hand and her knees start to buckle. But she does not ask him to stop yet.
..........
**
It was solid, and cold, and had condensation on the outside making it slick to the touch. It was every inch a real glass of water.
"No. No I don't."
'If you could ask anything of me, any kind of a favor or a gift, what would it be?'
**
Two emotions seemed to register more strongly than before, one and then another: a slight increase in what she felt was closest to surprise, and then a larger increase in what seemed to be admiration.
And then, slowly, she felt at first what she mistook for him opening himself up further to her, but then realized was him reflecting all of her feelings that she was exposing to him, so that she could see herself as he saw her in that moment.
.......
She is entranced, and can't give it up and tell him to stop it. She is terrified and underneath such awe and arousal of feelings that seem dormant in comparison, eyes wide trying to force herself to hold her ground as he shows himself to her, forgetting this is not all of him, just a little bit.
She absorbs all of it, overwhelming ecstacy in the midst of it, and she eats it up, a drug at which she could visit every day if allowed to. As she continues to view it with her mind's eye and feel all of it, she is taken with how proud and how condesending he looks how small she feels in comparison as she absorbs until she can not take much more, but she is appalled as she sees it is not him now, but herself she is feeling, the same her she dreams and wakes up to every day. She wants it done, not enjoying seeing herself as others see her. Or is it as she really is? Too much of a good thing, someone might say, and it agitates her, slipping her hand slowly from his as if she has any control of this.
"Please....enough.."
.............
And with a word, it was done. And suddenly where there was noise there was quiet; where there was color, there is now darkness. He put her arms around his shoulders to steady her.
"I'm most impressed; very few beings could have done what you did without asking for respite much, much sooner than that. You may have lost sense of time in there, but I'd say you lasted over an hour."
...................
She acts out of the ordinary, not pushing his arms away but welcoming the support. Leaning into his shoulder and neck for a moment in relief, catching her breath, her chest rising and falling with deep breaths. "I've never shied away from a test, or facing a fear. I try everything. Well nearly everything. But I don't let fear stop me."
Too many words and she is short breathed again, breathing in and out and calming down. She thinks what she does not say. Not meaning to talk to him but after weeks with humans who she can barely stand the smell of she feels almost like she is with someone more like her. Her inexperience doesn't warn her like it should that he might not be all that he seems.
~ who are you~
and, afraid of the answer perhaps, a hurried,aloud, "I might like that drink now."
............
"Who am I? I'm whoever you want me to be."
The surroundings shifted again; now they were in her quarters on the starbase. Not only had her case been brought here, everything had been unpacked. He let go of her and she fell briefly until she was sitting on the edge of her bed. Into her hands he placed an empty glass.
"Your drink. Just think, and it will be filled."
.........
She looks up from where he sat her down. She is young in experience but sharp on details.
"I should find a bet. Something you want,for something I want. Then maybe later, you will answer that question instead of hedging me. Not everything is empathic. Some things I know by observing. Like anyone else but most people are only thinking about themselves."
She looks at her glass and thinks about the wine her mother drinks.
.........
The wine appears, and the glass shifts subtly to form a more proper wine glass.
"The trick to that is that the glass was ordinary, and I did nothing. You did that."
He smiled. "A bet, you say? So, what is it you want?"
........
"I don't understand. I don't have the ability to create matter from nothing." She takes a sip. "Perfect." Her face looks incredulous and she takes another sip.
"My first drink. It's not bad."
She looks up at him, then she stands, uncomfortable sitting lower like that.
"I told you. When you get what you want, I will get what I want, and you will show me who you really are, instead of giving me riddles. Deal?"
............
"Well, technically it's not from nothing. It all comes from somewhere. Everyone has to respect the conservation of mass, even I. But when you touched me, you changed a little. I don't believe it's permanant, at least, not yet."
He thought that over and nodded. "Alright. Now, let me ask you -- you've seen inside me, albeit only slightly. And you've seen inside you. What do you think I want from you?"
..........
"Changed....changed...." she drinks the wine down, sips at first then finishes it. She sets it on the table. "Who are you to change me. That was not part of the deal. And you never said that would happen."
Her voice starts to rise and she paces a little, starting a little freak-out. She turns her head at his question.
"You felt bigger, awesome, bigger than me on my best day, or my worst day. Both wonderful and terrible, if that makes sense." She looks at his eyes to see if she is just talking like a child or she is understanding, at least a cursory knowledge of him.
"I think you want everything. That's the terrifying part. I think you want obedience. Everything. Whatever you want that's what you want."
She turns back to the wine glass, staring at it. He says she is changed and it's scaring her. She told him she would not let fear stop her. She looks at the empty glass and thinks about a kind of beer her father likes.
........................
"I didn't change you; you changed. Every living being changes because of their experiences. Did you really expect to touch something that far beyond you and come away exactly as you were before?"
The glass changed to a beer stein, filled.
"And that's about the long and the short of it, yes. But what I want from you specifically is to see how you change, and what you do with it. Because that's the best part -- I really don't know. I know you're powerful. More powerful than you know. And I know you have potential you haven't even begun to imagine yet, even now. And I want to see what you do with it."
........
"Well, no but this is like a miracle." She takes a drink of the beer and makes a face.
"Really? He likes that? So different from what I thought."
"Well I'm only 22. I suppose most 22 year olds have untapped potential. And there are things I haven't even experienced yet, normal, every day things." She looks down, a little embarrassed. She looks at the beer again. She cant' believe what she sees, still thinks it's a trick. But she can't read him to know for certain.
"So what your saying is that you are observing me, because you don't even know how this will manefest itself in me." Her eyes are huge. She puts the beer in the replicator recycler.
"I'd like to go out. I have 3 days before I have a duty cycle. You can come with me, or not. But I want to stay on the ship, not in some God-forsaken void, or fields of grass. Okay?" Bit by bit she begins to sound like herself once more.
.............
He held his hands out in a conciliatory gesture. "Alright. I showed you how I am, now you can show me how you are, when you're not being meddled with by nigh-omnipotent beings."
....
Jessica smiles. That sounded like a little humour.
"And no I don't want you to make yourself look younger. I'm getting used to you like this. And if you ever, ever shift and look like my mother again, all bets are off." She looks into the mirror and frowns. She pokes her fingers through her hair a little. Grabs a small bag from her larger one.
"Alright. Show me where the clubs are."
She steps up and opens the door. "Please."
...........
He smiled. "I just wanted to get your attention. I know, I know, by that point I probably already had it. What can I say, I have a passion for theater."
He stepped through the door. "If I'm not mistaken, they're... that way." He gestured. "Back towards the promenade."
....
She's quiet now, out here in public. She feels proud she has a date to go with her. Sort of. He's like her dad only bigger, more so. If her dad was Hercules.
"Yes, you have my attention, Jack. By the way, do you dance?"
...........
He thought about that for a moment. "I have before, once or twice. I don't know if I would say that I do it often, though. Do you?"
....
"Yes, I'm a ballerina. But I also dance for fun. Anything from ballroom to punk. Though that's hardly dancing, but it's a good time. Ever been to a rave? Or peeked at a rave?"
She thinks over what just happened and considers what else she could do. Though he said it might not be permanent. She slows down and leans against the railing, thinking for a moment. She looks at her wrist, thinking about the bracelet she left behind at home, the one in her music box with the tiny rubies. She feels a little silly testing this, but she wonders what is possible. It is the possible that she is so enamoured with right now, that she does not want to leave his side. Yet.
........
"I've been. I don't think it quite had the effect on me it had on everyone else; chemical enhancement really doesn't affect me any."
The bracelet she imagined appeared upon her wrist.
"Now, I will warn you that exercising something like that is more likely to make it persist."
........
"I just like the crowd and the music. I'm a doctor after all. I take very little 'chemical enhancement'."
She holds the bracelet up to the light, then looks at him.
"I suppose a little restraint is in order." She starts walking again, looking over the various shops and restaurants.
"What do you suggest?" She is under the thought that he was here before her and knows the starbase well.
.............
"That's up to you, y'know. You can do as much or as little as you like with it."
He looked around.
"Unless I miss my guess, there should be a few places around here. There'll be a lounge with some big band music and some tables for people to sit around and talk. And there should be a, how do you say, a nightclub where the younger sort can listen to loud music and not talk."
.............
"Maybe the former. I'm enjoying the talking." She looks down at what she is wearing. Skirt is a little short but nothing too outrageous. And certainly nothing they haven't seen before. Her shoes are fine so she's in.
Jessica considers what he just said. She considers also that it all seems too easy. She notes that.
"This looks good. Sounds like old music, very old. I like it though. Kind of smooth." She enters the semi-dimmed room and looks behind her to see if Jack is still there. She decisively chooses a table and sits down.
.................
He takes the seat across from her.
"So, had I not shown up earlier, is this what you would be doing with your evening?"
......
Jess looks down at the table, fiddling with a napkin.
"Sort of. I'd be somewhere darker, louder, with many people rubbing up against one another."
...........
"And how is that, for someone with your particular gifts? Do you enjoy the din of the crowd in your mind, or do you find ways to shut them all out when you're doing that?"
............
She feels so exposed. So naked. But on one level it's kind of a relief. She is telling him more than she intended to.
"It was frightening at first. Even just the classes and lecture auditoriums leveled me at the beginning. But I started trying to control it. Then I went into other venues with larger crowds to see how much I could control there.
"It's a little game I play. I come in, like now and what used to sound like a lot of incomprehensible voices, I separate. I can hear specific ones, then turn those down and listen to others."
She looks at him. She only told one other friend this. They thought she was nuts. The tried to block the feeling before she perceived it but it was too late.
...............
"Interesting. Very interesting indeed. How many voices do you think you can listen to at once before it starts to get all muddled and you can't tell them apart anymore?"
He picked up a glass of water (for all she knew, it had been there the whole time -- but really, she knew it hadn't) and took a sip. "Do you ever feel guilty for listening?"
.........
"I'm not sure. Maybe 5. Maybe 10 if I'm not too tired. It is kind of exhausting at 10 and they start to blend."
She looks at the water, then looks at Jack. It is so tempting. It felt amazing to do what she did today. She looks at her bracelet. She conciders it, then raises her hand to wave at a server. When he comes over she orders a wine like she had earlier in her quarters. She feels so unsettled though.
"Guilty? No. Should I?"
.........
For the first time she could feel something coming from him even when he wasn't explicitly letting her in -- when she said ten, there was the slightest tingle of excitement. His face, however, showed nothing.
"That's very impressive. A lot of telepaths would have problems at five. As far as guilt? I shouldn't think so, no. I've met some people who have, though."
..............
"I've never felt guilty," she repeats, almost confused by the question. "But then I don't use it to accomplish anything sordid. Though I have used it to satisfy curiosity once or twice. Not often. Honestly there is so much to think about, to do on a daily basis. Who has time to care about little lives."
She turns her head towards him, detecting something. She smiles. But she doesn't comment.
"At ten it gets pretty confusing. That's where it starts to break down, depending on the people of course. You know some people are open books. They pretty much invite me in."
..........
"The ones who invite you in, is it because they're especially loud thinkers? Strong emotions and the sort? Or is it something else?"
.........
"They exude a feeling I'd call needy. It's like a feeler. It's almost irresistable at first then it keeps at me until I have to cut them off. Does that make sense to you?"
............
"It does, I think. When you call it irresistible, is it pleasant? Intoxicating? Or is it like an itch you can't quite scratch?"
He took another sip of his water. It might occur to her that he was doing this for her benefit -- it didn't seem like he actually needed to do it at all. "When you ask me if I understand... are you used to people not understanding you?"
..............
"I'm some kind of savant freak or oddity to them." She shrugs. "Who cares. I like who I am. f*** 'em," she says coursely.
She watches him with the glass of water. She doesn't really talk about it. It's another detail in the little list in her mind when she notes things that seem out of place. She leans forward a little, speaking softly as if conspiratorialy.
"It's like a drug. I feel powerful. f*** bringing Muhommad to the mountain. Bring the mountain to him. Now that would be something." She grins, her eyes dancing.
.............
"You should like who you are. You're most impressive. It's rare to meet someone as talented as you are. And you should absolutely enjoy the fruits of your talents."
He leaned in to hear her whisper, and smiled at her. Without speaking, he thought to her, 'You are powerful. All you need is the will to use it.'
.......................
~ but the will is there, I want it more than anything, but sometimes I'm afraid~
Her eyes get big. She did it. She couldn't help but think about the truth and that was the truth. Why would she be afraid of suceeding? She blinks a little. She turns to a server passing by and puts her hand on his arm.
"Who do I have to blow in here to get my glass of wine??"
..............
'What are you afraid of?'
The server looked startled, mumbled some kind of an apology and quickly scampered off after promising to give her what she wanted.
'You needn't wait on him, you know.'
.............
She doesn't answer his question. Mostly because she doesn't know for sure what she'd say. She wants to think it over.
As for the other comment, she looks at him, knowing he is quite serious. But something feels wrong about it. She can't bring herself to do what she did before with the glass.
~ something about it feels wrong ~
The wine comes a few minutes later but the joy of the evening seems to be waning. She feels strange, out of sorts.
............
He glanced at the glass of wine. 'What's wrong with it?'
Then, out loud, "You seem to have lost your taste for something. Is it this place, or my company?"
............
"It's not you. It's definitely not you.
Everything agitating her feels funny inside, like explaining it to him she'd feel like a little kid. When she was little she'd wear her mommy's shoes and for a little while she belonged in the big people's world. Then something would nose its way in to make her feel like a little girl again, and the game would be over.
Her eyes when she looks at him are full of admiration. She takes a sip of the wine and puts her big girl panties on, if nothing else to let the evening last a little longer.
"The wine is good."
..........
"And just earlier today, you didn't drink at all. Isn't it amazing what we can find out about ourselves?"
He took another sip of his water.
'If I offered to open myself up to you again, would you be excited? Or terrified? Or both all at once?'
..............
~ I imagine I'd feel like I did before, a bit of both~
She finishes the wine and reaches to feel his glass, wrapping her hand around it. Maybe she felt it might not be solid, or real at all.
"You don't need water, do you?"
..............
"You have replicators. I'm not sure I understand what makes that any different than the powers you possess."
He went to take another drink of water, and then stopped himself, having realized the illusion of that had already been broken.
"I mislead you earlier. I'm not sorry, and I would comment on how it affects your ability to trust me but I'm not sure you really do yet anyway. Nothing I did gave the ability to conjure objects; all I did was help you to believe that you could. And that was simply by telling you you could, and letting you believe it was because of me. Everything else came from yourself."
..................
~ how did you know I was capable of it?~
............
'Why do you think I'm here? I can see a great distance, and I travel far and wide. All people shine, at least a little, when viewed from afar. Some are dim, like a distant star seen through the atmosphere. Some are brighter, like a candle in the night. But you, you're a bonfire. And so I came and I saw you. And when I opened myself to you, you opened yourself to me as well, and I saw not only what you were but what you could be. And when I showed you yourself, you recoiled. You don't see in yourself what I see.'
......
The music changes to something jazzy and ad-libbed and Jessica rubs her temple, listening to Jack explain himself, and how he has handled himself with her. Something in her head does not put all of it together. But something else in her head is so enamoured with this ....something that he offers her, reveals to her, whatever the hell opens her up to and she feels like she can not fully look away or walk away. But she'd give her left tit if he'd stop speaking in metaphor. She's just not that smart in literary things.
"Why? I don't even know who you are. You seem like some kind of.....I don't know, guardian angel and even that sounds crazy, I don't even believe in that stuff."
She knocks on the table. It can be heard a little above the music.
"This, this is what I believe in, it's real. And this," she pinches herself on the arm, "flesh and blood. I believe what I see."
.............
"If you looked closely at the table -- and I could give you that sight, for a moment, if you desired it -- you could see it not as something solid, but as a sea of protons, neutrons and electrons, with vast space between all of them. What you see, and what you believe, is determined by the limits of your perception. There is much more to the world than what you perceive."
He shrugged. "As for who I am... I've given you a name you can call me, and a form you can identify with, one that conveys emotion and speech in a way you can understand. But I'm not that. The Federation has encounters with many beings of powers that are vast and largely incomprehensible -- the Q, the Thasians, the so-called 'Squire of Gothos.' I am like them, in a sense, although I'm not the same species as any of them. I've tried to reveal some of myself, my true self, to you, and you were physically exhausted by the effort. I reveal myself slowly and carefully because you are not yet ready to fully see."
...........
"I've seen solids broken down into particles. I'm a scientist. Which will help you understand why I'm too much of a pragmatist to believe in things that are not solid, that are not sure. One moment I don't have beer, then I do. My mind is trying to put all that together. Do you understand? Maybe I am limited by my own limits. My own rigid boundaries."
Jessica folds her arms across her chest, her elbows on the table, leaning in towards him so she can hear him better.
"I understand what you are getting at. And I'll leave that alone for the time being." She takes a sip of her wine then leans in.
"If you were any other boy....man...I'd want to know what's in it for you. Anyone that flies at me like you have, at warp speed gets scrutinized."
...........
He leaned in as well, so that he was almost whispering in her ear. "Well, there's a few things. The primary thing is that, to be perfectly blunt about it, there are not a lot of beings like me in the universe. And we tend to keep our distance from each other. I think you at the very least can understand the sensation of being able to feel the thoughts and feelings of everyone in a room around you, and yet feeling incredibly detached from them. Of being alone."
"I could list off several other reasons for me to be interested in you -- my natural curiosity, my desire to see what it is you are when you've reached your full potential. But it mostly comes down to this. There are very few people in the universe who it's worth spending my time on. You've already shown yourself to be more interesting than I could have guessed. And that's my interest in you. You're already more than these other people around you, and you could be so much more still."
.......
Jessica listens. His voice is evocative in her ear at a whisper like that and at some point she shivers, a natural reaction to the warmth of breath and movement of lips brushing against the flesh of the ear. She turns to look at him while he is speaking. He really is older than any of her boy friends. Then again, she could have the wrong idea entirely. After all, he says she is an interesting person, but doesn't draw attention to her femininity. Other than the deliberate window of viewing him and the one moment where he got excited she really can't read him at all. That intrigues her.
Her eyes say she understands. Wow does she ever get that. Most of the time she ignores it and goes to do something fun and not think about anything so analytical. Who needs all the worry and hassle? But there are times when she is a total planet in the cafeteria, or in a huge lecture hall. The voices around her all blend together into one chorus and none of them know she is there. There are other times when she welcomes such solitude.
"So am I a guinea pig, or a woman?" She smiles, mostly kidding.
..........
"Well. I admit to not being an expert in bioligy, but I am quite sure you're not a guinea pig. Your proportions are all wrong and you don't have enough hair for it, if nothing else. No, you're a humanoid female, and an attractive one, at that. And I think you know that. What you're wondering is if I know that. This isn't my natural form, of course, but it is the one I spend the most time in anymore. I am not merely pretending to inhabit this form, I am in a real body, and it reacts the way any other body like this does. So yes, I gaze upon your curves and features, and I am attracted to them. Like I said, I am looking for some companionship. I see in you potential to be much closer to me than you are now, but you are always going to be a biological entity. So I would be a companion of yours in that sense, as well, if you wished it. If not, that doesn't change what I am offering you in other regards."
........
As she listens, Jessica is fascinated with the road his logic travels before it comes back around. Indeed he could merely have said, " What you're wonderin is if I know that," and hit the nail on the head. She is a pretty bird in a cage, enjoying being looked at and admired, and most of the meandering path her own questions travel are in regards to that fact. She has it, she still has it, and here is yet another male telling her so. Easy Peasy. So easy that she pretty much forgets for the time being about her misgivings, and just enjoys her vanity.
"You said something about dancing before. Would you still like to?" The music is moonlight serenade, and a few couples get up to dance on the small floor.
.............
"Of course." He stood, and offered his hand to her, helping her out of the chair before sweeping them out to the dance floor, his other arm perched gently on her hips.
.........
A moment later and he has her in his arms on the dance floor and she smiles, her hand laying gently in his as they move to the music.
"I love this old music. NOthing like it." She is graceful, following his lead.
............
"You know, there is still time for us to find one of those 'raves,' if you'd like." It didn't take any empathic ability to know he was teasing her.
"You're quite good at this, you know." As for him, he danced in a way that seemed practiced to a fault; he lacked her natural grace, but he knew the steps exactly and moved in perfect time with the music.
.........
She flushes a little, and grins. "No complaints, I like it like this. Besides I can hear you better." It suits her though she can't really understand why. In other things she seems to blow off the notion of romance, but this makes her feel like she is in a movie. Her other hand is on his shoulder, and she thinks about what he said about his body, and that he does feel like human flesh and blood.
~ although I must admit the thoughts in this club are nearly overwhelming. Do you notice how much anger is in this place at the moment?~
..........
He turns his gaze from her from just a moment as he looks around the room, and then back at her.
'I can shut it off, when I care to, and it's so common that even when I don't I've started to tune it out. But yes. Anger. Sadness. Jealousy. Unrequited love and unremitting lust. Petty frustrations, all set to boil over. Do you hear these things all the time?'
.........
"If I pay attention. Some of it is not solid thought, just impressions and feeling. The lust is kind of exciting. But it feels wrong to notice all of it. After all, not all of it is directed at me."
Her eyes dance. She is starting to relax and have a better time. The song reaches its end and she hopes another with the same tempo starts up.
..............
The next song was an old Cole Porter tune, "Begin The Beguine."
"If they speak out loud, do you feel guilty if you hear them with your ears? Do you feel guilty if you see them with your eyes? These senses were given to you. It's perfectly natural."
'And there's enough lust for you in this room right now to power this starbase, if you simply listen for it
............
"That's what mother said. But there is a certain etiquette about it. You don't just go nosing around other people's heads without their permission." But her eyes say she does, and he probably knows it already anyway. She really is a sick pup sometimes.
She moves with him comfortably, a little closer this time. She enjoys this song.
"Yes, it is natural," she has to agree.
......
"And of course, we always listen to our mothers." The gleam in her eyes is reflected in his.
And then he leans in and kisses her, gently and caressingly, on her lips. As he does so, she can feel the slightest, faintest echo of what it was like earlier, when she was reading his mind.
...........
Her mother was neatly tucked halfway across the universe. Now she is very near. Not too near right now she hopes. She doesn't feel like explaining this.
He kisses her and she responds, but ends it quickly. She stares into his eyes as they dance.
~ I felt that, I felt you over everyone in the room ~
............
'Well, as you know, physical contact and extreme feelings can both heighten the sensitivity of a telepath. And that had both. Did you mind, terribly?'
.........
She shakes her head slowly, looking at him and moving with the music, but not so very gracefully, stepping on his toe once.
~ you already know I don't mind. but being this close confuses me. it makes me forget what I wanted~
They dance near the edge of the floor and when the song ends she steps off, moving closer to the wall, away from the table, glad for the dimness in the place. She already feels lit up like a Christmas tree for him. But she cant' turn it off. She turns to him and tilts her head, taking initiative and kissing him, almost a girlish kiss, giving away her lack of experience. When she pulls away, she looks embarrassed. ~ let's get out of here~
...............
Of course.' He puts his arm around her waist, and they walk side in side down the corridor towards her quarters, and the whole time she can feel the steady buzz of him in her mind, not broadcasting, as faint as before when he kissed her.
..............
"When we were dancing there at the last, it felt like it did when you took me away to space, to nothingness. Just us and nothing else around, not mother, no starbase, no worries, but you, thoughts of you surrounded me, almost like they were something tangible."
Still she slows as they get closer to her quarters and when they get close, she turns and puts her back against the wall, looking at him, instead of entering right off.
...........
"And you don't know what to make of all of it. It's more than you're used to feeling, and you're both excited and scared at once. Does that about cover it?"
He lets her slide off his arm and stays where he is, letting her have her space for a moment.
Ensign-Medical
SB23
(Jane)
Jessica arrived in the usual way, with a small case, wide eyes, and great plans for her first assignment. She also showed up at the starbase with a cute little chip on her shoulder. The last place she wanted to be dumped was with her mother. No offense to her mother, she loves her. But she is freaking Deanna Troi, darling of the universe. No thanks. She'd rather have something she can call her own. She's told she will have a ship after she jumps over a few hurdles, meaning working under a very experienced doctor before she hits space running.
She heads down the promenade, glad for the chance to take a few days to herself. 3 days leave before she has duty. It seems like a luxury after the last few weeks in the academy.
...............
Jack Vincennes
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
(A PeM Production)
Jack was wandering the promenade when she got there. Not that he'd been to the base before; he had brought himself there upon her arrival. He'd had his eye on her for a while, it didn't do to come into these sort of things cold. But this was the first time he'd allow her to know of his presence.
It was a cliche, but it was a cliche because it was effective. He knew she'd be taking in the starbase, and thus not paying the closest attention to her surroundings. So he arranged to bump into her.
He did almost too good a job, causing himself to fall down to the floor in the process. The trick, though, the trick to it all? Physical contact did two things for an empath -- one, it brought you to their attention. Two, it heightened their ability to sense what you were feeling. But as far as Jessica could tell, Jack was an utter blank -- physically he was there, but to the sixth sense that only she possessed of all the people on the promenade, it was as though he wasn't there at all.
.............
How did she not even see him coming? She simply doesn't have klutz moments. She'd see them coming and dodge a ball, miss something falling with a side-step. She is jousled hard and there is a man at her feet on the floor. She tilts her head and just stares at him, not thinking to hold her hand out to him, mostly because he's a good deal bigger and stronger than her. But she does, extending her hand and asking the usual.
"Are you okay? Anything hurt?" She doesn't have a sense of urgency about him, so she already has the answer to that question. But there is a nagging lil flag that she does not sense anything at all.
"Crowded today. Must be a lot of kids just come in from the academy," she says with a little raise of one eyebrow.
................
He takes her hand, and again, she can feel him physically, but all the other sensations that would normally bring about in her are simply not there.
"Thank you, I'm fine. Nothing wounded except my pride, is all. Name's Jack Vincennes. Yeah, I hear there's a lot of people fresh off the boat today. You don't look like you're all that salty yourself."
................
She pulls her hand away, unnerved by the lack of sensation of.....well anything except the feel of his hand. She reaches for her case and the other hand to her hair, pushing it behind one ear.
"Jessica," she says in reply to his self-introduction. "Does it show that much?" She laughs slightly, taking steps forward once more in the direction she thinks is where her quarters are.
..............
"Some things are hard to hide. But all things can be seen."
And then, not spoken but merely heard inside her mind, 'If you have the sight to see them, or the ears to hear them.'
Resuming normal speech again, he added, "Can I buy you a drink? To make up for my clumsiness."
.............
She looks forward as she walks, avoiding any further physical confrontations. Something about the second thing he said made her turn her head. She watches his lips move and then looks around her, as if to see if someone else is there speaking to her. She might be seeing that doc sooner than her first duty shift. Something feels really off. But he only bumped the side of her body and her shoulder, not her head.
She hears his last, and smiles.
~ seriously, you are older than my father~
But aloud, she says, "I never drink. I mean alcohol, I never have."
She gestures to the next corridor.
"That's where my quarters are. I have to put my case in there."
.........
Again, spoken only in her mind: 'Really, I'm much older than that. Appearances can be deceiving.'
Outwardly, he simply shrugged. "Alright, a fellow can tell when he's being told off. But if it's the case you're worried about, you'll find it's been taken care of."
And sure enough, there was no case in her hands anymore.
................
Jessica hears him and one hand goes to her hip. Her head darts in the direction of her case and the other hand rests on the other slim hip.
"Put off? I don't drink. Someone with your ability to read my mind already knows I'm telling the truth."
~ why are you messing with me, is this a test, did Mother send you?~
...............
'I've never met your mother. She doesn't know of me. I'm a seeker of individuals who have potential they haven't fully exploited.'
And suddenly the starbase melted away, and they were standing on the unbearable nothingness of space itself. They could still breathe, and though while she was able to stand on... something, she couldn't see it, and felt nothing at all beneath her feet.
"I do tend to be a bit theatrical at times, please forgive me. Everyone at the starbase will simply see you walking to your quarters, no idea at all that something is happening. I am messing with you because it's fun, and because I think I can help you."
..............
She gasps, reaching out as if she could grab ahold of something, but nothing is there. She reaches for him, the only apparent solid within her reach.
"Help me? Don't you know I'm on the cusp of my life, on the way to great success. Everyone says so. I even have more telepathic ability than mother."
Her mind goes to the psych test during Academy entrance exams, when they were faced with their worst fear. Falling. She'd had to jump from a great height and she'd managed it but right now seeing nothing under her feet is sending her in a mental spiral.
................
He clasped her as she reached for him, letting her steady herself with him.
"But you didn't have enough power to read me, for instance. I doubt you're even at the level of a full Betazoid, are you? And there's much more than what even they are capable of. Does that hold your interest at all?"
He gazed around the blank, empty starscape around them. "Would you like to be on something a little more... grounded, perhaps?"
...........
"I am. I mean I do. I can read everyone," she says defensively, panicking and clinging to him. "You are different. You are something I have not read before. Are you Q?" She gets excited. "I heard so much about Q, you're like him aren't you? All that power and ability to f*** with people."
She almost looks impressed.
"Yes, something under my feet."
........
"Something like that." It was close enough. For now.
The stars drifted away, and they were on solid ground. A grassy medow, as far as the eyes could see -- no hills, no trees, no clouds, just green grass under a blue sky.
"If my age bothers you, I can change it, of course. I can change pretty much anything. I can be younger." He was suddenly a young man, probably no more than 18, slowly walking in a circuit around her. "Or older." In a moment, he was suddenly the image of Captain Picard, who he knew he had to have seen at some point. "I could be a woman." He changed to the form of her mother. "Or something else altogether." And he became a Horta.
And then he was Jack again.
.......
"Your age doesn't bother me that much. It's just that I can't...well feel you."
She sounds over her head and childish, and she isn't used to that. Acing the exams, sliding through her courses easily. The only real challenge was medical and she worked hard, and she is proud of it.
He starts to change, from one to another, shifting as soon as she gets her bearings, to something else altogether. She takes a step backward in the grass, or what resembles grass where she stands. She is excited and terrified. She should be sh*tting herself but a part of her is too curious and excited to tell him to stop. Not that she would have the power to make him do anything.
................
"Do you really think you want to? Would you like me to open up and let you inside here for a little bit, so that you can explore?"
.........
~ I'm afraid and I don't want him to know it~
"Yes. I want to see what's in there. You feel dead to me, like a holodeck character, with no feeling."
........
He smiled, and said nothing. He knew she was afraid, and she knew the second he smiled that he knew.
"Alright. Now I'm only going to open myself up a little bit... more for your sake than mine. You let me know if it's too much. I'm here to serve, I'll stop when you ask."
But not one second sooner.
He put his hand in hers and closed his eyes. Suddenly she could feel an entire rainbow of emotion, all at once, with new hues just between all the feelings she'd ever felt before, and entirely new sensations just at the edge of what she had known before.
.........
She tightens her hand on his and nods, trying to look brave. She forgets that he can read her fully, forgetting herself and hiding her fear like she would with others.
I'm ready."
Her heart beats madly and she waits to experience him when he opens up to her. The moment he does, she is washed over like seawater over a dinghy. The first moments being much like the first day at the academy, or when her mother brought her aboard a ship and she felt the rush of nearly a thousand psyche's all at once.
Right now, she is physically pushed backward and she clings to his hand, the full spectrum of feelings all at once, and her reaction to them unable to be covered up. He can see all of it. Sadness beyond hope, happiness above every happy moment since she was a child, arousal, anger, fear, terrifying, crippling fear and she clings so hard her nails dig into his hand and her knees start to buckle. But she does not ask him to stop yet.
..........
**
It was solid, and cold, and had condensation on the outside making it slick to the touch. It was every inch a real glass of water.
"No. No I don't."
'If you could ask anything of me, any kind of a favor or a gift, what would it be?'
**
Two emotions seemed to register more strongly than before, one and then another: a slight increase in what she felt was closest to surprise, and then a larger increase in what seemed to be admiration.
And then, slowly, she felt at first what she mistook for him opening himself up further to her, but then realized was him reflecting all of her feelings that she was exposing to him, so that she could see herself as he saw her in that moment.
.......
She is entranced, and can't give it up and tell him to stop it. She is terrified and underneath such awe and arousal of feelings that seem dormant in comparison, eyes wide trying to force herself to hold her ground as he shows himself to her, forgetting this is not all of him, just a little bit.
She absorbs all of it, overwhelming ecstacy in the midst of it, and she eats it up, a drug at which she could visit every day if allowed to. As she continues to view it with her mind's eye and feel all of it, she is taken with how proud and how condesending he looks how small she feels in comparison as she absorbs until she can not take much more, but she is appalled as she sees it is not him now, but herself she is feeling, the same her she dreams and wakes up to every day. She wants it done, not enjoying seeing herself as others see her. Or is it as she really is? Too much of a good thing, someone might say, and it agitates her, slipping her hand slowly from his as if she has any control of this.
"Please....enough.."
.............
And with a word, it was done. And suddenly where there was noise there was quiet; where there was color, there is now darkness. He put her arms around his shoulders to steady her.
"I'm most impressed; very few beings could have done what you did without asking for respite much, much sooner than that. You may have lost sense of time in there, but I'd say you lasted over an hour."
...................
She acts out of the ordinary, not pushing his arms away but welcoming the support. Leaning into his shoulder and neck for a moment in relief, catching her breath, her chest rising and falling with deep breaths. "I've never shied away from a test, or facing a fear. I try everything. Well nearly everything. But I don't let fear stop me."
Too many words and she is short breathed again, breathing in and out and calming down. She thinks what she does not say. Not meaning to talk to him but after weeks with humans who she can barely stand the smell of she feels almost like she is with someone more like her. Her inexperience doesn't warn her like it should that he might not be all that he seems.
~ who are you~
and, afraid of the answer perhaps, a hurried,aloud, "I might like that drink now."
............
"Who am I? I'm whoever you want me to be."
The surroundings shifted again; now they were in her quarters on the starbase. Not only had her case been brought here, everything had been unpacked. He let go of her and she fell briefly until she was sitting on the edge of her bed. Into her hands he placed an empty glass.
"Your drink. Just think, and it will be filled."
.........
She looks up from where he sat her down. She is young in experience but sharp on details.
"I should find a bet. Something you want,for something I want. Then maybe later, you will answer that question instead of hedging me. Not everything is empathic. Some things I know by observing. Like anyone else but most people are only thinking about themselves."
She looks at her glass and thinks about the wine her mother drinks.
.........
The wine appears, and the glass shifts subtly to form a more proper wine glass.
"The trick to that is that the glass was ordinary, and I did nothing. You did that."
He smiled. "A bet, you say? So, what is it you want?"
........
"I don't understand. I don't have the ability to create matter from nothing." She takes a sip. "Perfect." Her face looks incredulous and she takes another sip.
"My first drink. It's not bad."
She looks up at him, then she stands, uncomfortable sitting lower like that.
"I told you. When you get what you want, I will get what I want, and you will show me who you really are, instead of giving me riddles. Deal?"
............
"Well, technically it's not from nothing. It all comes from somewhere. Everyone has to respect the conservation of mass, even I. But when you touched me, you changed a little. I don't believe it's permanant, at least, not yet."
He thought that over and nodded. "Alright. Now, let me ask you -- you've seen inside me, albeit only slightly. And you've seen inside you. What do you think I want from you?"
..........
"Changed....changed...." she drinks the wine down, sips at first then finishes it. She sets it on the table. "Who are you to change me. That was not part of the deal. And you never said that would happen."
Her voice starts to rise and she paces a little, starting a little freak-out. She turns her head at his question.
"You felt bigger, awesome, bigger than me on my best day, or my worst day. Both wonderful and terrible, if that makes sense." She looks at his eyes to see if she is just talking like a child or she is understanding, at least a cursory knowledge of him.
"I think you want everything. That's the terrifying part. I think you want obedience. Everything. Whatever you want that's what you want."
She turns back to the wine glass, staring at it. He says she is changed and it's scaring her. She told him she would not let fear stop her. She looks at the empty glass and thinks about a kind of beer her father likes.
........................
"I didn't change you; you changed. Every living being changes because of their experiences. Did you really expect to touch something that far beyond you and come away exactly as you were before?"
The glass changed to a beer stein, filled.
"And that's about the long and the short of it, yes. But what I want from you specifically is to see how you change, and what you do with it. Because that's the best part -- I really don't know. I know you're powerful. More powerful than you know. And I know you have potential you haven't even begun to imagine yet, even now. And I want to see what you do with it."
........
"Well, no but this is like a miracle." She takes a drink of the beer and makes a face.
"Really? He likes that? So different from what I thought."
"Well I'm only 22. I suppose most 22 year olds have untapped potential. And there are things I haven't even experienced yet, normal, every day things." She looks down, a little embarrassed. She looks at the beer again. She cant' believe what she sees, still thinks it's a trick. But she can't read him to know for certain.
"So what your saying is that you are observing me, because you don't even know how this will manefest itself in me." Her eyes are huge. She puts the beer in the replicator recycler.
"I'd like to go out. I have 3 days before I have a duty cycle. You can come with me, or not. But I want to stay on the ship, not in some God-forsaken void, or fields of grass. Okay?" Bit by bit she begins to sound like herself once more.
.............
He held his hands out in a conciliatory gesture. "Alright. I showed you how I am, now you can show me how you are, when you're not being meddled with by nigh-omnipotent beings."
....
Jessica smiles. That sounded like a little humour.
"And no I don't want you to make yourself look younger. I'm getting used to you like this. And if you ever, ever shift and look like my mother again, all bets are off." She looks into the mirror and frowns. She pokes her fingers through her hair a little. Grabs a small bag from her larger one.
"Alright. Show me where the clubs are."
She steps up and opens the door. "Please."
...........
He smiled. "I just wanted to get your attention. I know, I know, by that point I probably already had it. What can I say, I have a passion for theater."
He stepped through the door. "If I'm not mistaken, they're... that way." He gestured. "Back towards the promenade."
....
She's quiet now, out here in public. She feels proud she has a date to go with her. Sort of. He's like her dad only bigger, more so. If her dad was Hercules.
"Yes, you have my attention, Jack. By the way, do you dance?"
...........
He thought about that for a moment. "I have before, once or twice. I don't know if I would say that I do it often, though. Do you?"
....
"Yes, I'm a ballerina. But I also dance for fun. Anything from ballroom to punk. Though that's hardly dancing, but it's a good time. Ever been to a rave? Or peeked at a rave?"
She thinks over what just happened and considers what else she could do. Though he said it might not be permanent. She slows down and leans against the railing, thinking for a moment. She looks at her wrist, thinking about the bracelet she left behind at home, the one in her music box with the tiny rubies. She feels a little silly testing this, but she wonders what is possible. It is the possible that she is so enamoured with right now, that she does not want to leave his side. Yet.
........
"I've been. I don't think it quite had the effect on me it had on everyone else; chemical enhancement really doesn't affect me any."
The bracelet she imagined appeared upon her wrist.
"Now, I will warn you that exercising something like that is more likely to make it persist."
........
"I just like the crowd and the music. I'm a doctor after all. I take very little 'chemical enhancement'."
She holds the bracelet up to the light, then looks at him.
"I suppose a little restraint is in order." She starts walking again, looking over the various shops and restaurants.
"What do you suggest?" She is under the thought that he was here before her and knows the starbase well.
.............
"That's up to you, y'know. You can do as much or as little as you like with it."
He looked around.
"Unless I miss my guess, there should be a few places around here. There'll be a lounge with some big band music and some tables for people to sit around and talk. And there should be a, how do you say, a nightclub where the younger sort can listen to loud music and not talk."
.............
"Maybe the former. I'm enjoying the talking." She looks down at what she is wearing. Skirt is a little short but nothing too outrageous. And certainly nothing they haven't seen before. Her shoes are fine so she's in.
Jessica considers what he just said. She considers also that it all seems too easy. She notes that.
"This looks good. Sounds like old music, very old. I like it though. Kind of smooth." She enters the semi-dimmed room and looks behind her to see if Jack is still there. She decisively chooses a table and sits down.
.................
He takes the seat across from her.
"So, had I not shown up earlier, is this what you would be doing with your evening?"
......
Jess looks down at the table, fiddling with a napkin.
"Sort of. I'd be somewhere darker, louder, with many people rubbing up against one another."
...........
"And how is that, for someone with your particular gifts? Do you enjoy the din of the crowd in your mind, or do you find ways to shut them all out when you're doing that?"
............
She feels so exposed. So naked. But on one level it's kind of a relief. She is telling him more than she intended to.
"It was frightening at first. Even just the classes and lecture auditoriums leveled me at the beginning. But I started trying to control it. Then I went into other venues with larger crowds to see how much I could control there.
"It's a little game I play. I come in, like now and what used to sound like a lot of incomprehensible voices, I separate. I can hear specific ones, then turn those down and listen to others."
She looks at him. She only told one other friend this. They thought she was nuts. The tried to block the feeling before she perceived it but it was too late.
...............
"Interesting. Very interesting indeed. How many voices do you think you can listen to at once before it starts to get all muddled and you can't tell them apart anymore?"
He picked up a glass of water (for all she knew, it had been there the whole time -- but really, she knew it hadn't) and took a sip. "Do you ever feel guilty for listening?"
.........
"I'm not sure. Maybe 5. Maybe 10 if I'm not too tired. It is kind of exhausting at 10 and they start to blend."
She looks at the water, then looks at Jack. It is so tempting. It felt amazing to do what she did today. She looks at her bracelet. She conciders it, then raises her hand to wave at a server. When he comes over she orders a wine like she had earlier in her quarters. She feels so unsettled though.
"Guilty? No. Should I?"
.........
For the first time she could feel something coming from him even when he wasn't explicitly letting her in -- when she said ten, there was the slightest tingle of excitement. His face, however, showed nothing.
"That's very impressive. A lot of telepaths would have problems at five. As far as guilt? I shouldn't think so, no. I've met some people who have, though."
..............
"I've never felt guilty," she repeats, almost confused by the question. "But then I don't use it to accomplish anything sordid. Though I have used it to satisfy curiosity once or twice. Not often. Honestly there is so much to think about, to do on a daily basis. Who has time to care about little lives."
She turns her head towards him, detecting something. She smiles. But she doesn't comment.
"At ten it gets pretty confusing. That's where it starts to break down, depending on the people of course. You know some people are open books. They pretty much invite me in."
..........
"The ones who invite you in, is it because they're especially loud thinkers? Strong emotions and the sort? Or is it something else?"
.........
"They exude a feeling I'd call needy. It's like a feeler. It's almost irresistable at first then it keeps at me until I have to cut them off. Does that make sense to you?"
............
"It does, I think. When you call it irresistible, is it pleasant? Intoxicating? Or is it like an itch you can't quite scratch?"
He took another sip of his water. It might occur to her that he was doing this for her benefit -- it didn't seem like he actually needed to do it at all. "When you ask me if I understand... are you used to people not understanding you?"
..............
"I'm some kind of savant freak or oddity to them." She shrugs. "Who cares. I like who I am. f*** 'em," she says coursely.
She watches him with the glass of water. She doesn't really talk about it. It's another detail in the little list in her mind when she notes things that seem out of place. She leans forward a little, speaking softly as if conspiratorialy.
"It's like a drug. I feel powerful. f*** bringing Muhommad to the mountain. Bring the mountain to him. Now that would be something." She grins, her eyes dancing.
.............
"You should like who you are. You're most impressive. It's rare to meet someone as talented as you are. And you should absolutely enjoy the fruits of your talents."
He leaned in to hear her whisper, and smiled at her. Without speaking, he thought to her, 'You are powerful. All you need is the will to use it.'
.......................
~ but the will is there, I want it more than anything, but sometimes I'm afraid~
Her eyes get big. She did it. She couldn't help but think about the truth and that was the truth. Why would she be afraid of suceeding? She blinks a little. She turns to a server passing by and puts her hand on his arm.
"Who do I have to blow in here to get my glass of wine??"
..............
'What are you afraid of?'
The server looked startled, mumbled some kind of an apology and quickly scampered off after promising to give her what she wanted.
'You needn't wait on him, you know.'
.............
She doesn't answer his question. Mostly because she doesn't know for sure what she'd say. She wants to think it over.
As for the other comment, she looks at him, knowing he is quite serious. But something feels wrong about it. She can't bring herself to do what she did before with the glass.
~ something about it feels wrong ~
The wine comes a few minutes later but the joy of the evening seems to be waning. She feels strange, out of sorts.
............
He glanced at the glass of wine. 'What's wrong with it?'
Then, out loud, "You seem to have lost your taste for something. Is it this place, or my company?"
............
"It's not you. It's definitely not you.
Everything agitating her feels funny inside, like explaining it to him she'd feel like a little kid. When she was little she'd wear her mommy's shoes and for a little while she belonged in the big people's world. Then something would nose its way in to make her feel like a little girl again, and the game would be over.
Her eyes when she looks at him are full of admiration. She takes a sip of the wine and puts her big girl panties on, if nothing else to let the evening last a little longer.
"The wine is good."
..........
"And just earlier today, you didn't drink at all. Isn't it amazing what we can find out about ourselves?"
He took another sip of his water.
'If I offered to open myself up to you again, would you be excited? Or terrified? Or both all at once?'
..............
~ I imagine I'd feel like I did before, a bit of both~
She finishes the wine and reaches to feel his glass, wrapping her hand around it. Maybe she felt it might not be solid, or real at all.
"You don't need water, do you?"
..............
"You have replicators. I'm not sure I understand what makes that any different than the powers you possess."
He went to take another drink of water, and then stopped himself, having realized the illusion of that had already been broken.
"I mislead you earlier. I'm not sorry, and I would comment on how it affects your ability to trust me but I'm not sure you really do yet anyway. Nothing I did gave the ability to conjure objects; all I did was help you to believe that you could. And that was simply by telling you you could, and letting you believe it was because of me. Everything else came from yourself."
..................
~ how did you know I was capable of it?~
............
'Why do you think I'm here? I can see a great distance, and I travel far and wide. All people shine, at least a little, when viewed from afar. Some are dim, like a distant star seen through the atmosphere. Some are brighter, like a candle in the night. But you, you're a bonfire. And so I came and I saw you. And when I opened myself to you, you opened yourself to me as well, and I saw not only what you were but what you could be. And when I showed you yourself, you recoiled. You don't see in yourself what I see.'
......
The music changes to something jazzy and ad-libbed and Jessica rubs her temple, listening to Jack explain himself, and how he has handled himself with her. Something in her head does not put all of it together. But something else in her head is so enamoured with this ....something that he offers her, reveals to her, whatever the hell opens her up to and she feels like she can not fully look away or walk away. But she'd give her left tit if he'd stop speaking in metaphor. She's just not that smart in literary things.
"Why? I don't even know who you are. You seem like some kind of.....I don't know, guardian angel and even that sounds crazy, I don't even believe in that stuff."
She knocks on the table. It can be heard a little above the music.
"This, this is what I believe in, it's real. And this," she pinches herself on the arm, "flesh and blood. I believe what I see."
.............
"If you looked closely at the table -- and I could give you that sight, for a moment, if you desired it -- you could see it not as something solid, but as a sea of protons, neutrons and electrons, with vast space between all of them. What you see, and what you believe, is determined by the limits of your perception. There is much more to the world than what you perceive."
He shrugged. "As for who I am... I've given you a name you can call me, and a form you can identify with, one that conveys emotion and speech in a way you can understand. But I'm not that. The Federation has encounters with many beings of powers that are vast and largely incomprehensible -- the Q, the Thasians, the so-called 'Squire of Gothos.' I am like them, in a sense, although I'm not the same species as any of them. I've tried to reveal some of myself, my true self, to you, and you were physically exhausted by the effort. I reveal myself slowly and carefully because you are not yet ready to fully see."
...........
"I've seen solids broken down into particles. I'm a scientist. Which will help you understand why I'm too much of a pragmatist to believe in things that are not solid, that are not sure. One moment I don't have beer, then I do. My mind is trying to put all that together. Do you understand? Maybe I am limited by my own limits. My own rigid boundaries."
Jessica folds her arms across her chest, her elbows on the table, leaning in towards him so she can hear him better.
"I understand what you are getting at. And I'll leave that alone for the time being." She takes a sip of her wine then leans in.
"If you were any other boy....man...I'd want to know what's in it for you. Anyone that flies at me like you have, at warp speed gets scrutinized."
...........
He leaned in as well, so that he was almost whispering in her ear. "Well, there's a few things. The primary thing is that, to be perfectly blunt about it, there are not a lot of beings like me in the universe. And we tend to keep our distance from each other. I think you at the very least can understand the sensation of being able to feel the thoughts and feelings of everyone in a room around you, and yet feeling incredibly detached from them. Of being alone."
"I could list off several other reasons for me to be interested in you -- my natural curiosity, my desire to see what it is you are when you've reached your full potential. But it mostly comes down to this. There are very few people in the universe who it's worth spending my time on. You've already shown yourself to be more interesting than I could have guessed. And that's my interest in you. You're already more than these other people around you, and you could be so much more still."
.......
Jessica listens. His voice is evocative in her ear at a whisper like that and at some point she shivers, a natural reaction to the warmth of breath and movement of lips brushing against the flesh of the ear. She turns to look at him while he is speaking. He really is older than any of her boy friends. Then again, she could have the wrong idea entirely. After all, he says she is an interesting person, but doesn't draw attention to her femininity. Other than the deliberate window of viewing him and the one moment where he got excited she really can't read him at all. That intrigues her.
Her eyes say she understands. Wow does she ever get that. Most of the time she ignores it and goes to do something fun and not think about anything so analytical. Who needs all the worry and hassle? But there are times when she is a total planet in the cafeteria, or in a huge lecture hall. The voices around her all blend together into one chorus and none of them know she is there. There are other times when she welcomes such solitude.
"So am I a guinea pig, or a woman?" She smiles, mostly kidding.
..........
"Well. I admit to not being an expert in bioligy, but I am quite sure you're not a guinea pig. Your proportions are all wrong and you don't have enough hair for it, if nothing else. No, you're a humanoid female, and an attractive one, at that. And I think you know that. What you're wondering is if I know that. This isn't my natural form, of course, but it is the one I spend the most time in anymore. I am not merely pretending to inhabit this form, I am in a real body, and it reacts the way any other body like this does. So yes, I gaze upon your curves and features, and I am attracted to them. Like I said, I am looking for some companionship. I see in you potential to be much closer to me than you are now, but you are always going to be a biological entity. So I would be a companion of yours in that sense, as well, if you wished it. If not, that doesn't change what I am offering you in other regards."
........
As she listens, Jessica is fascinated with the road his logic travels before it comes back around. Indeed he could merely have said, " What you're wonderin is if I know that," and hit the nail on the head. She is a pretty bird in a cage, enjoying being looked at and admired, and most of the meandering path her own questions travel are in regards to that fact. She has it, she still has it, and here is yet another male telling her so. Easy Peasy. So easy that she pretty much forgets for the time being about her misgivings, and just enjoys her vanity.
"You said something about dancing before. Would you still like to?" The music is moonlight serenade, and a few couples get up to dance on the small floor.
.............
"Of course." He stood, and offered his hand to her, helping her out of the chair before sweeping them out to the dance floor, his other arm perched gently on her hips.
.........
A moment later and he has her in his arms on the dance floor and she smiles, her hand laying gently in his as they move to the music.
"I love this old music. NOthing like it." She is graceful, following his lead.
............
"You know, there is still time for us to find one of those 'raves,' if you'd like." It didn't take any empathic ability to know he was teasing her.
"You're quite good at this, you know." As for him, he danced in a way that seemed practiced to a fault; he lacked her natural grace, but he knew the steps exactly and moved in perfect time with the music.
.........
She flushes a little, and grins. "No complaints, I like it like this. Besides I can hear you better." It suits her though she can't really understand why. In other things she seems to blow off the notion of romance, but this makes her feel like she is in a movie. Her other hand is on his shoulder, and she thinks about what he said about his body, and that he does feel like human flesh and blood.
~ although I must admit the thoughts in this club are nearly overwhelming. Do you notice how much anger is in this place at the moment?~
..........
He turns his gaze from her from just a moment as he looks around the room, and then back at her.
'I can shut it off, when I care to, and it's so common that even when I don't I've started to tune it out. But yes. Anger. Sadness. Jealousy. Unrequited love and unremitting lust. Petty frustrations, all set to boil over. Do you hear these things all the time?'
.........
"If I pay attention. Some of it is not solid thought, just impressions and feeling. The lust is kind of exciting. But it feels wrong to notice all of it. After all, not all of it is directed at me."
Her eyes dance. She is starting to relax and have a better time. The song reaches its end and she hopes another with the same tempo starts up.
..............
The next song was an old Cole Porter tune, "Begin The Beguine."
"If they speak out loud, do you feel guilty if you hear them with your ears? Do you feel guilty if you see them with your eyes? These senses were given to you. It's perfectly natural."
'And there's enough lust for you in this room right now to power this starbase, if you simply listen for it
............
"That's what mother said. But there is a certain etiquette about it. You don't just go nosing around other people's heads without their permission." But her eyes say she does, and he probably knows it already anyway. She really is a sick pup sometimes.
She moves with him comfortably, a little closer this time. She enjoys this song.
"Yes, it is natural," she has to agree.
......
"And of course, we always listen to our mothers." The gleam in her eyes is reflected in his.
And then he leans in and kisses her, gently and caressingly, on her lips. As he does so, she can feel the slightest, faintest echo of what it was like earlier, when she was reading his mind.
...........
Her mother was neatly tucked halfway across the universe. Now she is very near. Not too near right now she hopes. She doesn't feel like explaining this.
He kisses her and she responds, but ends it quickly. She stares into his eyes as they dance.
~ I felt that, I felt you over everyone in the room ~
............
'Well, as you know, physical contact and extreme feelings can both heighten the sensitivity of a telepath. And that had both. Did you mind, terribly?'
.........
She shakes her head slowly, looking at him and moving with the music, but not so very gracefully, stepping on his toe once.
~ you already know I don't mind. but being this close confuses me. it makes me forget what I wanted~
They dance near the edge of the floor and when the song ends she steps off, moving closer to the wall, away from the table, glad for the dimness in the place. She already feels lit up like a Christmas tree for him. But she cant' turn it off. She turns to him and tilts her head, taking initiative and kissing him, almost a girlish kiss, giving away her lack of experience. When she pulls away, she looks embarrassed. ~ let's get out of here~
...............
Of course.' He puts his arm around her waist, and they walk side in side down the corridor towards her quarters, and the whole time she can feel the steady buzz of him in her mind, not broadcasting, as faint as before when he kissed her.
..............
"When we were dancing there at the last, it felt like it did when you took me away to space, to nothingness. Just us and nothing else around, not mother, no starbase, no worries, but you, thoughts of you surrounded me, almost like they were something tangible."
Still she slows as they get closer to her quarters and when they get close, she turns and puts her back against the wall, looking at him, instead of entering right off.
...........
"And you don't know what to make of all of it. It's more than you're used to feeling, and you're both excited and scared at once. Does that about cover it?"
He lets her slide off his arm and stays where he is, letting her have her space for a moment.